Three teeth Emily — some random thoughts

Emily is a quiet baby with good temper, just as I somehow felt before her birth. Even with the fact that she has sensitive skin and demands more caring, she is still much easier to deal with compared with Cindy.  The missus and I both agree on this.

Emily gradually developed a rash when she was about a month old. It first appeared on her both ears, and she kept scratching them. Later on it appeared on her face and two legs as well. After several trips to visit doctors and some research on internet, we settled done with some medicine and daily caring tips, and it was under well control since then. At present she is in pretty good condition, with two rashes on both legs, and sometimes reoccurring on her cheek.

Unlike Cindy, Emily can fell into asleep easily, which is a great relief by itself. Normally she would feel sleepy around 9PM, and she would always look for comfort from her mom. No others can make her feels safe and fall into asleep, not even me, which is somewhat discouraging.

Half a month ago she grew two lower front tooth, at which time she bits a lot. Couple of days ago, I noticed an upper tooth starts appearing, but it is not in the front to line up with the lower two, but on the side, which is somewhat uncommon. Now she makes some strange noise when she play with her new teeth.

She is a curious little creature. She would open a closet, pull everything out, exam every item carefully, sometimes taste it with her mouth, and eventually drop it to the floor for next thing. She refuses to stay in the car seat for more than 5 minutes as she can not see much in the lay on her back position. She would complain with crying, but once we picked her out, that crying face would turn into big smile as she starts to look around.

She had a good relationship with Cindy. I don’t really understand how she feels about Cindy, but I can tell she really like her sister. Cindy can easily excite her and makes her laugh out loud. When I come home from work and saw Emily at the door, she would smile silently, but when Cindy comes home, Emily would be so glad that she would flap her both arms like a bird too fat to fly, and makes exciting noise at same time.

Emily has already started to pronounce Mom, but only when she is looking for comfort from the missus. I think I have to accept it as a fact that Mom is the first word Emily said, but I should be happy that Cindy said Papa as her first word.

Here comes Emily

About a year ago, my wife was convinced that we should have a second child, and now we have our little Emily at home.  She is still barely a human whom interacts with people, but more like a small animal. But she is growing in amazing speed and time just flash by on her.

I am pretty sure when we made her. It was the first night my wife came back from ZhengZhou from a month long leave. I picked her up in Hongqiao Railway Station and by the time we arrived home, it was over mid-night. We want a baby and we have it, and bingo ! I am not sure with Cindy but I get the impression that we have it on a couch.

It was a mixed emotion while I had my mother passing away and little Emily on her way to come. I really hope they could met at least once but that was not happening.  Saying good bye to the past and embracing the new life was what I think how nature should be, and that is where I found the peace of my mind.

I brought up the idea of give birth to Emily in the United States to the wifey,  given the birth control we faced. She was concerned if she could handle it, and that is understandable as she had never going overseas, and my proposal required her to stay there for 3-4 months and most of time she would be alone there. Eventually we decided to at least give it a try, we would came and see if she like it.

So I planed this trip which turns out to be the best vacation we had in our life.  We spent one week in Hawaii with 4 days in Oahu and 4 days in Kauai, then we drove the California State Highway 1 from San Jose all the way down to LA, where we visited several hosts and one doctor, and the wifey said OK she can handle it. We settled her down in a house in Diamond Bar, then Cindy and I went back Shanghai and the wifey stayed. 2 months later, before her due date, I went to LA again to stay with her and welcomes our little Emily.

We decided to go C-section so it is predictable and everything on track.  We came to the East Valley Hospital early morning on Jan-20th-2014. At 7:30AM everybody was in place already and by 7:40 Emily was born. I was in the surgery room to comfort the wifey. They simply setup a half height curtain over the chest of my wife to separate us from the surgery they working on, and the doctor, Jeffrey Lee, even showed me the uterine fibroid we were worried about. Wifey was peace even when they pushed to force the baby out. Shortly after the push I heard the cry, and then I was allowed to came see the little thing. She was not big as Cindy was, but still a big and healthy baby girl. She didn’t cried a lot. Instead of non-stop crying, she stopped quickly and starts to ate her own fist.

We stayed in hospital for two days. It was hard at first to fed the little thing every a few hour, which broke up the long night sleep, but soon we got used to it and we start to seek any naps anytime we feels the need. Wifey was in pain after the c-section so she barely moved around in first 24 hours, but we still managed to started the breast feeding and Emily was not picky on either it was formula milk or breast, which makes our life much easier.

We returned the house and I was the only one to take care of the mother and daughter. I managed to cook for the wifey and that was well received, which I am really happy about. Emily was, and still is,  easy for her parents — as long as she get fed and comfort, she would be quiet.  Breast feeding makes my life much easier as well, thanks to the wifey.

This past winter in LA was the best winter we had, with sun shine almost everyday and a mild temperature between 10-26, I can’t ask for more.  We started to going outside with Emily in the stroller, by the time she was 3 weeks old.

By the time Emily was one month old, we flight back home and found Shanghai to be cold and wet, but we are so happy to met Cindy. She has been apart from wifey for 3 month and 1 month from me. I just found Cindy grown matured, she got longer eyelash within this month, dropped one teeth. Now Cindy get this little sister and sometimes she would hold the little Emily in arm and I am so happy to see it.

I hate Santa

I have a eight year old daughter. Like any other kid, she dreams about the fancy story of Santa and really believe in it. Being at such age, she is not so easy to cheat with so she do have some suspicion grown but she was so trust on me that every time she asked me and she always happy with what I said.

But all the peace & beautiful story changed last night, dramatically.

When she was in her bed about to sleep, she asked, “Did you brought all these gift for me?” I was not able to continue the lie and said “yes” with upset. Nothing happened in the beginning, but then I saw tears build up in her eyes and she start to cry. “I am so disappointed” said she.  I hold her in my arm and tried my best to comfort here, and I was so regret with such Santa lies.  I felt I broken her heart and dreams. Eventually she fall asleep with tears, after one hour of crying.

This morning, the first thing she did after waken up was to confirm with me that indeed there is no Santa. But I think she has accepted the fact and made peace with it. Like usual, I hug her and off she goes to the school. But I know that fairytale has gone away and would never come back.

母亲去世

老头去世不到一年，老太太也去了。

春节时候还挺好，略为有些瘦，脸色有点不健康，锁骨转移处有些大，但是不算疼。春夏之交开始，说右手麻得厉害。当时搜索半天，觉得是椎管狭窄，没太在意。后来左腿也开始有些疼。这时候，其实全身已经多处有转移突起了。

7月份病情加剧，在东胜做了骨扫描，本来打算针对转移灶做一次放疗，结果扫描全身多处骨转移，右臂上下端，右锁骨，右眉骨，左颅骨，左臂上下端，腰椎，骨盆，左大腿三处。

结果出来后，看老太太也状况不好，于是和弟弟都回去陪陪老太太，心中也知道大约就是送她走了。老太太也和我提起要安乐，我也做了相应准备，万一老太太很痛苦，我们也有个办法。

8月10日到家，弟弟提前2日到。这次他的假期长，也很让我们舒了口气。他比我会照顾人，有他在谁都放心，老太太也舒心。刚回去老太还拄双拐活动。大约8月12日，上厕所后，转身时，左腿病灶处骨折。很是痛苦，立刻给了奥施康定止痛。然后和大姐开了吗啡。

之后老太太状况时好时坏，但总体逐渐恶化，一直止痛药维持。闲暇时，弟弟拿了《平凡的世界》给她用本地方言念，挺爱听，于是我们兄弟姐妹四人都有空就给念。往往我念着念着，老太就睡着了。

卧床后期，开始昏睡。临终前一天，已经叫不醒，也无法给水进食。晚上就听到呼吸有些急促了。夜里3点和弟弟换班时，就听着更急促了。之后在客厅小床躺下，一直迷迷糊糊听着老太的呼吸。到凌晨4点10分时，听到呼吸有些放缓，还心里想，也许是缓和下来了，能舒服点了。又听到有间断，竖着耳朵再听，又呼吸了。如此几次，终于有约莫1分钟没听到了，赶紧爬起来过去，老太太确实呼吸已经停止了。

叫了弟弟和二姐，俩人过来看，确实老太太已经呼吸停止。于是给大姐打电话。大姐和姐夫来后，按照老太的意思，用白酒擦身子，已经瘦得不像样了。我一直用手托着老太的下巴，试图让她的嘴巴闭起来。然后拿出准备好的衣服给穿好，按照当地习俗，放在木板上，头冲着窗户。此时天还没亮。

天蒙蒙亮的时分，殡仪服务的人来了，抬到了附近空地上搭建的一处灵棚，然后就入了冰棺。直至这时候，老太的身体还是温热的，只是四肢开始凉了。从此家里就没有了妈妈。

之后2天守灵，通知亲戚，众人尤其是姐夫和刘有财姐夫帮忙料理各种事务。第三天早晨动灵，去盐海子。和去年老头不同，这次只有我一人坐在灵车上，天气也出奇地好。头天老头的墓已经打开，去了后看到老头的棺材一如新的。老太的挨着放入，风水先生仔细地对了方位后，就落土合葬了。大家心里都很平和，没有人哭泣。

之后烧掉孝服离开。中午请客吃饭。亲戚陆续离开后，最后一桌留下的都是老张家的亲人，天津来的二姐，多年不见，依然一见如同一家人。喝了不少，二姐和弟弟都喝多了。

之后家里冷清下来。到处都是老太的痕迹，收拾东西，心情很不好。

关于梦：
在东胜检查之前，我梦到以前的平房房顶塌了；老姐梦到平房院子里，老爹种了不少茄子，涨势喜人，老太也跟着去了；守灵时我梦到老太拄着拐杖跳老年舞，大乐；前几日二姐梦到平房院子里的树，开了极其漂亮的花，心情大好。

如今时常感觉空荡荡，想打个电话，也知道没有人可打了。没有什么吸引我的东西。慢慢调整吧。

母亲悼词

悼词

各位亲友，

今天我们聚在一起，和我们姐弟四人的母亲，苏（讳）秀兰，做作后的告别。

我母亲1946年12月9日生与杭锦旗阿门其，自幼性格刚强，洁身自爱。1968年结识我父亲张（讳）焕舞，先生二女，名翔，睿；又育二子，名录，贺。含辛茹苦，历经生活沧桑20余载，四子女陆续成人，我们的母亲亦日渐衰老。

2008年忽发咳血，几经周折，于上海瑞金医院确诊肺腺癌，分期IIIA。中药维持1年后，咳嗽加剧，改用靶向药物，效果良好，状若常人，直至2012年春，右胯骨转移，无奈实施股关节置换手术。2013春夏年发现全身多处骨转移，已无治疗意义，于家中做支持治疗。终于八月初一晨辞世。

各位亲友，感谢你们前来告别我们的母亲。

癸巳年八月初三，子女：翔，睿，录，贺。

又到了送别老妈的时间

去年4月份股骨转移的痛苦，如今又慢慢回来了。多处骨转。曲马多5小时一粒，目前控制尚可。人消瘦，也有些害怕痛苦。

心里还是比较平静的，经过这5年多的过程。有些彷徨，有些莫名的不知所措。昨夜翻阅手机微信中，两个姐姐关于老太的照片，都存了下来。

忍不住心里又想了几遍，还有别的可能吗。我想我差不多准备好了。给老太的承诺，再仔细琢磨下，有没有什么纰漏。

老婆正怀着我们第二个孩子，这也算是辞旧迎新吧。我还是应该对她好一些。

昨天晚上一下子学会骑自行车了

自从生日开始，屁妞就有了买个自行车的念头。说是她们班同学，只有3个不会骑自行车了。

于是带着去迪卡侬试骑，去Trek试骑，去Giant试骑。

昨天晚上庆祝小年夜，兼和老两口吃年夜饭，去西郊百联的西贝吃饭。饭前去了迪卡侬骑车，还需要我扶着，不怎么会。饭后去Giant看之前她和妈妈看过的一款车。结果在店里一下子就找到窍门了，歪歪扭扭地能骑一段了。很兴奋，又在外面的人行道上骑，下坡能骑挺远，上坡不行。后来回家和老婆说，直接又到店里，买了。晚上回去在楼下又骑了好久。

学得挺快，比我快多了。

一年级小朋友考试了

昨天考语文，老师安排说，早上6点起来，可以看一会儿书。然后她就自己定了闹钟。结果闹钟好久没用，快了半小时，于是5点半就起来了。起来就看书，不过看的是玛蒂娜。

今天考数学，一切顺利地去了。回来说，考试中间睡着了。检查卷子的时候，屋子里太闷，就睡着了。

2012骑行里程小结

总里程 年度里程
2007： 14500 5000
2008： 19500 6000
2009： 25500 6000
2010： 31120 5620
2011： 37625 6505
2012： 42100 4475

里程来看，是骑得最少的一年了。

赛事：
06/09 张江TT 第30名，倒数第六
06/30 安亭绕圈赛 天气炎热，3圈后弃赛
07/21 长宁绕圈赛 24名，完赛选手最后一名
08/25 长宁绕圈赛 雨战，热身不充分，3圈后弃赛
09/15 安亭绕圈赛 最后2-3圈被摔车阻挡，独自完赛
09/23 无锡惠山 18分到顶
10/14 安亭TT 27名，倒数第9
10/28 千岛湖 还剩20公里处被收容

出游：
茶哥部队 莫干山越野赛一次
金迪阿飞 径山一次

摔车：无

离合，刹车和油门

老婆新手上路，小区里面油门刹车分不清，撞树了。

第二天需要去巧巧家玩，屁妞就非要我来开车送。我坚持让老婆开。于是屁妞就跑回自己房间去了。

等出门时，屁妞拿出来三块纸板，上面分别写着“离合”，“刹车”，“油门”，背面还贴了双面胶，让老婆贴到驾驶台上。

老婆敷衍着贴到了中控台上，结果被屁妞发现贴错位置了，只好再改过来。